I was refusing to sit on the fence, with the writing of the game demanding I take a side and do so with unbridled glee. I was outrageous, I wasn’t afraid to call out bullshit instead of trying to stay on the characters good side lest I miss something. I was a communist superstar who was dumb as a rock, had a good heart, and would ask everyone for money the first chance I got. Instead of the boring cop, the by the book cop who was scared of upsetting anyone, I was a superstar. I let myself become swept up in the over-the-top, hellscape alternate reality and become who I wanted to be, not who I thought I should be. I wasn’t allowing myself to be held back anymore by what I thought would please anyone. I wrote sex: Fucky-Fucky and gave in to playing not who I was used to, not the self insert, and yet, perhaps the most ‘me’ character I’ve played. Instead of writing sex: Male, I gave in to the obscenity and ridiculous state of the world. When it came to writing the sex of the deceased, the two kids (one of which was high as a kite, reflecting the sad state of the world), began shouting the answers I should put instead. Insisting my name was something else entirely.Īnd, my revelation of all things, came during in-game day 2 during the autopsy of the body that kicked the plot off. The outlandish options of proclaiming I was a superstar. As, essentially, a nobody with no effect on the world whose choices, despite trying to appease everyone, were in fact making no impact in this world whatsoever.Ĭompound to that fact, the wild dialogue I was missing out on. Began tallying my political leanings of trying to not upset anyone as a fence sitter. And then, the game, without missing a beat, began to tally my choices as ‘boring cop’. To play things by the book and to not upset anyone, despite the sordid past presented to me. My first instinct, of course, was to better myself. Sink further into delinquency, despite your new partner Kim urging you to be a good person, acting as your conscience and your friend, or do you better yourself? And you have to make up for the mistakes. The people I talk to only serve to reinforce this, they’ve all met me, I’ve been here before, and I made a right mess of everything I touched, despite now having no knowledge of the world.Įssentially, where there was once Harry, suicidal cop extraordinaire, there is now You. This, mind you, is all before I even begin talking to people. Demanding I forget my past and build myself again. In short, I was this man, the base of my character wasn’t a lifeless doll for me to impose on, the base of my character was a confused mess whose body was pulling him in all kinds of directions. This disgusting thrill-seeking, drugged up alcoholic who was so deep in a self-made Hell, even my player build, even my desire to play as I wanted to, wasn’t going to shift the mistakes of the past and the remnants of personality. In short, regardless of my build, I was this absolute mess. Then came the opening scene and I discovered what an absolute wreck of a human being the detective was, and I nearly had a literal heart attack trying to reach my tie off a ceiling fan and was informed that ‘The Expression’, a relic of disco and mayhem, refused to shift itself from my face. But, all the same, I built myself around the arts, around persuasion, intending to be the nice cop who solves the problems of the world and makes friends. This was exciting because it offered new outlets and new responses. Only to discover every option was talkative, even the physical ones impacted thoughts and dialogue. As is customary for me, I went in intending to build my detective around talking. Even when a character is a pre-established person within the universe whose background and life is set in stone, I still play somewhat of a self-insert. Similar to real life, I’m prone to playing characters as though it were me in that situation. The nice guy who solves peoples problems for free and who reloads immediately if a character has a negative reaction to anything I say. I build a talkative character who uses persuasion to overcome challenges, but in saying that, I try to play the good guy. I’m the sort of person who, when presented with an RPG, plays in a very specific way. The following will contain some Disco Elysium spoilers and strong language.
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